Following is an excerpt from a samvaad (dialogue) session with Acharya Prashant.
Questioner: How do I overcome my insecurity issues with my dear ones?
Acharya Prashant: You don’t need to overcome the insecurity. You need to overcome that which causes the insecurity.
Indeed, the relationship is not very solid. Surely there is something in the relationship that you have to worry about because you are talking of your dear ones, and you are insecure with respect to them. Why must that be the case? So there’s a near, dear, and intimate person, and you are saying that you are insecure. But why? What is the foundation of the relationship? Why do you think that your so-called near ones can drift away or that the relationship can be strained?
Surely the relationship is founded on some conditions. Why must those conditions be there? Why must there be demands and expectations?
Insecurity is there only when you want to clutch something, hold it very tightly. Insecurity is only there when there is a desire in the relationship, and desire, as you know, is self-centered. So are you relating with the other for your personal gain, pleasure, or happiness? Then does the relationship have much substance at all? And if it does not have much substance, what is it that you are trying to secure?
Your mental model is: I have an important and worthy relationship; therefore, I feel insecure and threatened. It’s a tempting model. “I have something that is valuable. As it is valuable, I feel afraid that it might be lost or taken away, or broken. After all, it’s valuable, so it deserves some security.”
But if you look closely at your model, then there are problems. If the thing is really valuable, then it has strength. What else is anyway valuable in a relationship? On the one hand, you are saying the relationship is valuable. On the other hand, you are saying it is fragile and vulnerable. These two don’t go together. If it is valuable, then it can’t be vulnerable. And if it is vulnerable, it is prone to influences, to conditions, to the changing weather, to mood swings, then what value is there in it anyway?
Bring real values to the relationship.