Real communication can happen only from the heart

Following is an excerpt from a samvaad (dialogue) session with Acharya Prashant.

Questioner: I want to increase my communication with my mom and dad or with my friends; because this is what which is troubling me: They want something from me, and they think I think only of myself, but I am not able to do either of them. What to do?

Acharya Prashant: When an insecure mind talks to another insecure mind, anyway there is no communication. There is only an apparent exchange of words.

Only the heart can talk, only the heart can listen, so conversations are either genuine or they are not. Fake communication is no communication.

So, when you say that ‘I am afraid of consequences, how do I act because my parents might feel bad, how do I take them into the loop,’ please understand, the situation is already very bad and whatever else happens will be better than this. The key to improvement is to realize that you are already at the rock bottom. Things cannot go any worse, we keep waiting for more damage, we say this much damage is acceptable.

You know, that is the nature of the mind — everything in the mind is limited, so even your perception of the damage being done to you is limited. You can never know the full extent of your loss. In the domain of the mind everything has boundaries, so when it rises to figure out how much it is losing, even that has a boundary, so it says I am not losing anything beyond that. No! You are losing a lot! And when you see that, then these inhibitions and concerns become very petty. Then you say — how can I stop because of these hindrances?

Listener: You mean I must do whatever I want to do?

AP: You will not do that if I advice you to do that. You will do that only when, you see that you are causing a lot grief to your parents by not being authentic, only the action of true love will give you the courage to really go, and tell someone that things are bad.

You must have great love for that someone, otherwise it is very easy to just offer consolations. It is very easy to just maintain the status-quo. Don’t we all do that?

Listener: That’s what we have been doing for years.