Searching for one’s missing part

The following is an excerpt from a samvaad (dialogue) session with Acharya Prashant.

Questioner (Q): I’m not feeling completely good with myself. So, I’m trying to search for that missing part in others. Every single time I see someone, and I think, “Oh maybe I can be complete with this guy or with that guy”, and it comes irrationally, and I get sick of it. I want to feel good with myself. How can I come to myself and not to others?

Acharya Prashant (AP): One needs to experiment with her dependencies. The questioner says — she wants to feel complete with herself so that there may remain no need to get associated with this person, that person, and seek fulfillment in the other or through the other.

It hurts us when a disappointment comes in the form of a person — “I got associated with that person. And the thing didn’t work out as per my expectation.” — That hurts. That hurts because that is very obvious. The proof is very sensual, very large, very undeniable. You see that you got into a relationship, and you go into a relationship with a person. The person is big, apparent, obvious, six feet. “I got into a relationship, it didn’t work out, I’m hurt”. Right? But then why is it that we get into relationships, often into a series of relationships? Is it because those persons are extremely important or attractive? Or is it more because we have a tendency to get related? Is it about them or is it about us?

And if we have a tendency to quickly get attached or associated with somebody, then we will find some object from somewhere irrespective of the worth of the object, is that not so? Does it not happen that if you are very hungry, often you end up eating whatsoever is available?

So, the tendency is there — “I need, I need, I need. I must have somebody. There must be somebody to walk by my side…” all those things. And I said, in the case of a person, the result of that tendency is very obvious, very gross, you can see. The result is physical. You know that it is there. The proof is big and also the impact is big.

Why not take care of the tendency in small matters so that you do not have to face big disappointments? I will explain.

The one who gets attracted and attached to a man is probably also the one who has several…