We are always relating… relationship is not quite a choice as long as you are bodily alive. Even in the now, though we may assume that we are alone here, yet there does exist a relationship of each of us with each of us.
The question, therefore, is — who is the one who is relating, not whether relating is optional or not. Who is the one who is relating? How is he relating and why is he relating?
Relating, anyway is happening. Relationship, anyway, is there. The question is — what is the quality and the source of that relationship?
There is a relationship that proceeds from the incomplete essence and if you are starting out from the incomplete essence, then the purpose of the relationship is to gain completion via the other. One looks at the other so as to find his missing half, one looks hungrily and desperately at the world hoping that something in the world would offer him fullness and contentment. In this way of relating, the one who is trying to relate is dissatisfied and meek and the quality of relationship would necessarily be full of dependence and exploitation.
I may need water desperately and when I am desperate, I look pitiable. Don’t I? A fellow you want to do good to. ‘Oh! He is crazy after water. Give him some water. Please do some good to him.’ But this fellow who is seeking water with such fervor, if he gets to hold this glass of water, would he ever want to let go of it?
By the way, this glass of water is equally desirous of liberation as the one holding the glass. But in my desire to gain fullness and completeness, I will necessarily impede the desire of this to gain fullness, completeness, liberation, which are all the same thing.
This is the common, the prevailing way in which people relate to each other. Relationships normally proceed because people need each other. I need you and you need me. I will fulfill your desire; you will fulfill my desire, let’s connect.
And the day someone becomes needless, useless for you, it becomes difficult and unnecessary to carry on with him or her, be it a person, a thing, or a place.
There’s a common way in which we relate to each other and that’s also what is commonly called as love. I love you means I need you. But there…