Use your hurt as your resource

The following is an excerpt from a samvaad (dialogue) session with Acharya Prashant.

Questioner (Q): I see that I want to say a lot of things but I don’t, and I just be a coward. So, for example, I saw a man whip a bull with a stick but he was doing it behind the ears, under the chin where it really hurts, and I wanted to go and just grab the stick and beat him with it or at least tell him something, but I just ended up walking past and not doing anything.

Similarly, over here, in the restaurants, today, when I was going in my hotel, there was this man with this plate of eggs and then this is supposed to be a city where everyone is supposedly very pious and holy, and I wanted to smash the eggs on his face, but I just walked up the stairs past him; I didn’t even say anything. I was trembling inside and I notice when I do speak about it; so, for example, when I told my sister that would you like someone to put his hand inside you and make you pregnant and then steal your babies so he could drink your milk; it comes off very harsh and I mostly take the way of not rocking the boat because it would take a lot of… I wouldn’t be able to walk 10 meters without saying anything. How do, I guess; one, why am I such a coward, and two, how do I get to that stage where I can give the sage counsel in a way that you do which is very gentle? When I do it, it comes off with a lot of force and anger.

Acharya Prashant (AP): Whosoever tries it with his family members, meets the same end. So, I might come across as gentle when talking to you all here, but when I try it on people who have been intimate to me, the result is much the same, hardly any difference.

See, on one hand, you have to be vigorously eager, energetic, and enthusiastic about this cause; on the other hand, you also have to be skilled and thoughtful like a good soldier. A good soldier does not waste himself on unnecessary battles; he preserves himself.

The one who is whipping the bull can be stopped, but here is my energy and my resources, let’s say they amount to 100 units. What if 20 or 30 units of them are expended in just stopping this one petty fellow? It’s not one bull that I want to save, I want to save the billions of living beings that are being slaughtered every day, right? But if 30 percent of my energy would be…